"Really...I’m going to start a blog?" I’ve asked myself this a few times now over the past several weeks and I always come up with the same answer..."This is what you need to do." I was really worried about what people thought about seeing me do this, (Is Carrie needing attention or what?) what people may say (Carrie is just so self-centered). You think being a Witch removes those worries, because according to muggles, all I need to do is hex someone and everything is fine and dandy, but if anything it makes me more prone to scrutiny. Low self-esteem is a bitch to overcome and when you have a target on your back in the shape of a pentagram it becomes a little more difficult to manage. (After all look at all those people who carry arrows.) Your ability to maintain your composure to negativity is tested quite a bit.
I haven’t written since college. There was one that stands out the most. It was a personal essay on domestic violence and how I was coping with being a survivor. Got an A on that bad boy. To this day I still feel bad I made the professor cry. I use to love to write in middle school. I came up with the best Wonder Woman Comic story line. Every time I tried to go to the next level though I got sidetracked by life. I’m now 35 and I can’t spell to save my life. So why take back to writing now?
Well, autocorrect was invented and my imagination and thoughts can no longer be kept in the confines of my skull, that’s why. There are days I daydream for hours on end and I seem to be exploding with information that needs to be released. I have spent the last several years reading, learning and honing in on my own witchy roots and traditions. I have a set of personal rituals created to help me along my spiritual path. I create incense and potions and brews all tailored by my knowledge of magickal herbs, resins and oils. I’m as creative as you can get. But it’s still not the release my mind needs.
I’ve got my Book of Shadows. For me, keeping one is not the same as writing. To me it’s just writing down useful facts and information to use at a later time. There’s personal expression in my spells and recipes but it’s not the same as just sitting down and typing out whatever comes to the mind or sharing feelings that others may find helpful in their lives. (Like the Professor I made cry) Now don’t get me wrong. To create magick one must feel and in tune with the energies of each word and its deeper meaning that when it is spoken you achieve your magickal intention.
I guess I just miss talking to people. On my own spiritual terms. In my own witchy way. I have friends and family. I have a happy and healthy life. But this life, this magickal one, is something no one but others in The Craft would understand. There are no eyes rolling when I talk to someone with abilities. There is no fear behind a set of aged eyes when you ask questions about how they were able to walk into the darkness and back. There are no giggles from the person across the dinner table when you use the words deosil, widdershins or essabat.
That’s why I’m writing. To get out all the years of pent up knowledge. To touch with those who may be solitary like me. But am I really solitary? In reality I’m not solitary, not anymore. I’m apart of the largest coven in the world. The coven of online bloggers.